“My Worst Fears” – Chelsi

Do you ever feel like all the work we do for our kiddos is not enough? How about feeling lost and deep deep pain when you see your child struggle every day? Lately, this is what has been running through my head. My family and I work so hard to help Caiden be successful with everyday life. Sometimes I feel deep down that it is still not enough. From the time we wake up to the time we go to bed I wonder if he will be okay without me by his side all the time. I feel so much pain for him when he has behavior after behavior after behavior on a daily basis. Recently, he decided that he no longer wants to go to school. I now need help just to get him loaded into the car. To top it all off, every day, like clockwork, we receive texts, phone calls, and emails from his teacher and principal with behavior reports. Getting these is the worst feeling in the world. How do we know if what we are doing is hurting our children or helping them?

My worst fear is happening right before my eyes. Caiden is the most fun, loving, bright, and energetic kid that I know. It truly hurts to see him hurting and to know that there is nothing we can do to help. Where do you turn when you exhaust all means of helping your child be the best they can be in this crazy world we live in? All I want for him is to fit in, to make friends, and not be judged or taken for granted because of his disability. How do we get teachers to understand who he is? I don’t want him or anyone else to be defined just because they can’t do things others can. Every time a text or call comes in, I think to myself, “Oh no, what happened this time?” I don’t know how to describe how much the pain truly hurts, but it leaves my stomach in knots just to think about it.

We are all on different paths but share many similar pains. If this is something you have dealt with or are still dealing with, what advice can you give to help cope with these issues? Being a young mom, I feel lost and saddened when I hear how much my son is struggling. I want him and everyone to know that no matter where we are or what we have, we can do anything we set our minds to. No one deserves to go through this kind of suffering, and I just hope and pray every day that we can provide the support he needs to be successful in life after we are gone.